The pain of guilt...

I almost threw a chair towards my Papa yesterday for some reason.

Since yesterday, I had been feeling so guilty because I lost my temper and got angry for few minutes. I slapped myself few times and promised that I will try never to be angry any more. But, I was anxious to meet God and ask forgiveness from him.

So, when I met God today, the first thing I did was I said "Sorry God, for all the mistakes I did yesterday. I shamed you and lowered the value of being your child. Please don't be angry on me. I will try my best never to repeat it."

God smiled and held out his arms for a hug, and  then said: Can I be angry on you? You are my child. What kind of father am I if I can't forgive my child for a mistake which she has been regretting since one whole day. Your feeling of regret is the real forgiveness that you have already asked me at least 10 times since yesterday. This shows that you honestly understand that you should not have lost your cool and that's a wrong thing. You have already gone back to your pure self again.

Then while I hugged him happily and got absorbed in his calmness, he continued : Every time you feel guilty inside yourself, that you have done anything that's not pure or you have hurt anyone, that means you just understood that you were not a pure soul at that time and have just come back to yourself. Try to repair the wrong u did or at least promise not to repeat that again. Your heart will tell you every time you do anything wrong. Listen to your heart each and every time if you want to stay as a pure soul else the dirt from your actions will hide your pure soul and ultimately, make it impure. And whenever you listen to your heart and act accordingly after a mistake, that's the greatest forgiveness you can ask from me or anybody.

I understood everything and remembered the reason why I lost my cool yesterday. So, I had to ask again: But God, what should I practically do when someone tells dirty things to me or does hurting things in front of me?

God replied back: I know what you are asking. Look, if someone talks dirty with you, it means that that person has already become an impure soul. Since you are God's child and have been on earth to spread love and purity, try to smile at the person and remind him/her that he/she is forgetting that he/she is a pure soul too and whatever he/she is doing is impure. If you fail a few times, than the most practical solution is that however close you have to interact with that person, keep your pure soul a little apart from the impure soul. Otherwise, it may make your soul impure too, which happened with you yesterday. You became impure for a few minutes. If you let your soul come in contact with that soul, it may progressively keep making you impure.


I was so happy and satisfied with this discussion and told: O God! You are great. Thank you so much. Please give me enough energy to love everybody today.


Then, I got lost in him and felt him all around myself giving me energy from all directions.


One more thing I experienced today. Earlier, I used to see God according to my imagination. Nowadays when I get absorbed in him and feel peace, I don't see him as earlier. I don't even see him actually. I can just feel him around me. When he hugs me, I can feel his arms as some cloudy mass which have an ocean of peace and love in them into which I get lost, deeper and deeper. Wow, I think he is around us all the time even on earth, but we fail to feel him because we don't concentrate enough. That means we ignore him around us and search for him in all other places. What an irony !!!

A taste of peace...

Today I found peace, even though for a few seconds. But, I believe that it holds enough power to propel me through all that comes my way this day.

Today, when I met God, He decided to lengthen the time I spent with him today. So, just as I was coming back to get into my worldly schedule, He called me back. And there I flew, within a fraction of second.

Today, I asked him : How should I stay calm when someone tries to hurt me?

He said: Don't you believe that u are God's child? I said yes to which he continued : Then, just keep believing that.

I got confused and demanded an elaborate description of this.

He said: See, when you are God's child, it means that you have received enough power from God that no one can hurt you. Why are you taking the things inside that can possibly hurt you. When you take the pain-causing things inside you, that becomes your fault. At that very moment, u have definitely forgotten that you are God's child. Because a child of God would never take into account these minor things. You have other much important things to do. Remember that all who hurt you are just human beings who are simply telling the dialogues that are given to them. But, you are God's child and you receive immense power from him everyday through his love. Is this power not enough to stop the painful things outside you?

I was still not confident enough to implement it practically.

So, he continued: What do you do when a very little kid says something hurtful to you? You ignore it because you know that the child is ignorant of what he is speaking. You forgive the kid and forget it too at least by the next day. Because you know that whatever the kid is doing, it is unimportant to you. Believe that you are surrounded by these kids. All the human beings that hurt you are nothing more than these kids. I am sure now you know how to stay calm. :)

I had still more questions coming.

So, I asked : What about competition with other people?

He said: Where does this come from? If you are believing that you are God's child and everyone around you is a kid, do you still want to compete with a KID?


I was completely satisfied now.
Now, I walked towards peace.

I tried to feel weightlessness in my body......and soul. Tried to make my mind blank, which was easy as I had just found answers to all the questions that intrigued me since the last meet. Then, I felt light, positive energy and calmness filling my mind. Well, yes... all this is not that easy but I tried to FEEL it and it was not that difficult too. And yes, the cool breeze from my window definitely helped me achieve this state.
And then, there I was, floating amongst clouds without a single thought in my mind. That very moment, I felt peace...the real peace. I stayed there for few moments enjoying the weightlessness of my body that I experienced. And God sent me energy and power from all directions. When, I felt that I had received enough power to go through life's challenges for now, I bade goodbye to God and returned to life.